Chronically Metropolitan Blu-ray Review

I’d be worried if any of my friends or family are able relate to any of the characters within CHRONICALLY METROPOLITAN. The movie begins with patriarch Christopher (Noth) attempting to wrangle a threesome in his car with two women while he’s driving, as all three partake in cocaine and alcohol. Later in the movie, after he wrecks the vehicle, we learn that he’s a professor and those were two of students. Luckily they survive, but if that incident isn’t indicative of how terrible Christopher is, things are made by worse by the fact that we quickly learn his apples don’t fall too far from the tree.

Fenton (Fernandez) is heading unexpectedly back home after trying to make it big out West as a novelist. He returns to a fractured New York City flat where his father, Christopher, is recovering at the hospital from the events mentioned in the previous paragraph. Living in the flat is his sister, Layla (Addison Timlin) who still lives at home and dates the family drug dealer. His mother, Annabel (Parker) is seemingly content about her husband’s infidelity with a pair of college students, but it’s not because of the glass of wine she has in her hand, but because she’s having an affair of her own.

Chronically Metropolitan

Any extended amount of time with this family would feel like an upper class episode of JERRY SPRINGER. These insufferable liberal socialites don’t flaunt extravagance more than they flaunt intellectual and creative superiority around those that they know. They inflate their own egos by allowing simple minded art enthusiasts to populate their lives where they become the center point of parties and go-to for “intellectual” remarks on a situation. Fenton, much like his father, expects to be fawned over.

At a party, he runs into an ex-girlfriend who’s about to get married. The two split after Fenton wrote a scathing article about failed marriages, using her parents’ marriage as the evidence and focal point for his written piece. Fenton, confused as to how she could move on, verbally and at one point physically demands that she hears out his attempt at an apology, while at the same time asking her to explain herself for having an ounce of courage and strength to move on. It’s a crippling, disgusting moment played for sympathy for Fenton.

Chronically Metropolitan

The argument could be made that CHRONICALLY METROPOLITAN is a sexist piece, characterizing men as tortured artists lashing out through adultery and inebriation while the women in this movie are generally categorized as emotional and selfish. The one woman, who isn’t demeaned, is Layla. It’s possible that that’s the case because she’s cool and is dating a pot dealer. At one point she’s sexualized for no apparent reason when she walks around topless, making Fenton avert his eyes only to tell him to grow up. I’m sure the scene was played for laughs, but it doesn’t deserve any.

CHRONICALLY METROPOLITAN seems like a bizarre place in time, capturing the moment the family dysfunction crescendos, but without purpose or empathy. It doesn’t turn a mirror to the audience, or parody the lives of New York City elitists, or create a nuanced portrait of American families, or create any other kind of redeeming message or metaphor that you can think of. Because I kept waiting for that “a-ha” moment, I didn’t flat out hate it. But it’s safe to say I came close to hating every minute of CHRONICALLY METROPOLITAN.

BLU-RAY REVIEW

Video: (1080p HD Widescreen 2:39:1) The cityscape is captured on this blu-ray, as the camera glides from street to street amongst the hustle and bustle.

Audio: (English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1) No problems with audio mixing on this blu-ray.

Alternate Ending (3:50): The writer has found a new way to frustrate and disgust me with these characters. I hate this ending even more.

Deleted Scenes (2:45): Only two deleted scenes to speak of. Neither adds any weight to the plot or any redeeming qualities to the characters.

Chronically Interview: Behind the Scenes with the Stars of CHRONICALLY METROPOLITAN (8:01): The cast talks about the film, and by cast, I mean the four lesser-known actors not looking to save face.

OVERALL 1.5
    MOVIE REVIEW
    BLU-RAY REVIEW

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