Beastly (Blu-ray)

Kyle thinks he’s the winning ticket; he’s young, good looking, loaded and the most popular face on campus.  But his less than stellar attitude crosses the wrong girl for the last time.  Cursed, Kyle’s boyish good looks go “bye bye” as he’s forced to look as ugly on the outside as he is on the inside.  Kyle has one year to find true love or be stuck a monster forever.

Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens in Beastly

Let me begin by saying that I’m neither happy nor impressed by Hollywood’s asinine idea to revisit old fables like RED RIDING HOOD and the so very worn out, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.  I mean come on, how many times has that story been told outright or in this case, in a vain attempt to be subtle.  Both RED RIDING HOOD and BEASTLY are terrible movies (surprise, surprise) but yet here we are.  Yes, I’m as dumbfounded as you are.

Alex Pettyfer and Neil Patrick Harris in Beastly

This modern day re-telling is remotely believable for the first thirty minutes and by remotely I simply mean that our main guy Kyle is just another rich, snobby jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone else at his high society college.  I can buy that, and I doubt this role is much of a stretch for young Alex Pettyfer to play considering he was only twenty when this was filming.  Because he’s still young and green I won’t beat up on him too much, he wasn’t bad for most of the film, yet some of the off-beat dialogue and reactions to his failed attempts to impress Lindy were cringe worthy.  That said, I can’t see anyone winning any sort of competition with a ridiculous speech like the one he gave, coolest kid on the block or not.

Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens in Beastly

Even within the first thirty minutes I was thrown by the idea that Mary-Kate Olsen’s character Kendra was a “known” witch.  I’ll let it slide because she was particularly enticing and fun to watch (loved her killer final scene).  The last hour of the film, however, is something else entirely.  First off, the ideology behind what happens with Bell and the Beast to make her his prisoner is a stretch but one you can forgive because it’s a cartoon.  The way it’s tackled here is outright lame but beyond the scope of reason to begin with.  It just doesn’t make a heck of a lot of sense and anyone involved in this crazy scenario probably wouldn’t be as open to suggestion, friendship or least of all love, given the circumstances.  I’m a romantic at heart and all, but I just don’t see the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens in Beastly

BEASTLY is a pitiful attempt at cashing in on the Twilight-esque generation of influential teen angst.  There was no reason whatsoever to make this film, and at no point did they really try to do anything different or remotely memorable with this opportunity.  If you’re going to plagiarize a good story, the least you can do is up the ante and blow that baby out of the water!  This story doesn’t even make a ripple.  I dug NPH’s presence and despite everything else, I can’t help but smile when he’s on screen.  I can’t make fun of the fact he’s here (or that he’s headlining THE SMURFS) because he’s just too cool.  All I can say is that I hope this little social experiment with the fables, nursery rhymes and fairy tales will come to an end now.  Seriously Hollywood, count your losses and move on already as films like this are an insult to our intelligence.


Video:  2.35:1 Widescreen in 1080p HD with AVC codec.  The detail is crisp, down to the last ghastly detail on Kyle’s new mug.

Audio:  5.1 DTS-HD in English with the same subtitle options.  Is it me or do these newer flicks pack a serious punch on the old surround sound system when music breaks out.  Love it.

Alternate Ending (10:13):  Odd that they didn’t use this one as it’s by far a more fairy tale ending, but then again maybe that’s why they didn’t.

Deleted Scenes (4:47):  Ouch.  The crane scene is lame and the “carry you on my back” scene just screams TWILIGHT.

A Classic Tale Retold: The Story of Beastly (10:09):  Sigh, the director and cast try to give off the “this is such a great film with a great message” vibe but I’m not feeling it.

Creating the Perfect Beast (5:07):  The director and makeup effects guy discuss the progression of Kyle’s beastly look.  That much, I dug.

“Be Mine” Music Video (3:04):  Kristina and the Dolls perform their music video based upon the film.  Surprisingly enough this is a pretty tight tune, way too good for this flick.

Previews:  There are a handful of trailers as well as some BD-LIVE content if you’re hooked up to the net.


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