The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Blu-ray)

My first theater experience with THE TWILIGHT SAGA wasn’t the greatest. I went to see NEW MOON and the girl sitting next to me was chewing her face saying things like, “Oh my god! Why does Jacob still have his shirt on?!” The rest of the audience filled the silences with soft panting, mimicking the noise a dog makes when it needs water. Why is this relevant? Because this is how I always perceived Twilightmania. It’s hard to really judge these films based solely on the audience. When this all began, I was the biggest hater. Then I watched the first movie out of boredom on a rainy afternoon and my curiosity was peaked rather quickly. I’m weak.

Twilight: Eclipse

All this taken into account, I’m probably one of the few reviewers who have actually read most of the books and seen the previous two films. This does not mean that I have a bias. I will tell you that the books are not written well and the movies are softcore porn for the Disney audience. Instead of reading Danielle Steel for trashy romance, I read Stephenie Meyer in a moment of weakness. Okay, several moments…

Twilight: Eclipse

In the third installment of the Twilight Saga, Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart) have found a few moments of peace again. But like every peaceful moment in their relationship, it never lasts for very long. During lunch in the High School cafeteria surrounded by friends, Alice (Ashley Greene) has a disturbing vision. Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) is coming back for Bella. But this time she won’t be doing it alone. She has help from a newborn vampire and the army he has created for her. This means that Edward and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) must work together in order to take down the vampire army. On top of all this, Bella is still trying to convince Edward to turn her. He will under one condition: marriage. Wow. I just read what I wrote and realize that based on that summary you will never see this movie. It’s okay. I’m not here to convince you to see it, nor am I here to steer you away, but I am certainly not helping.

Twilight: Eclipse

As for the film, it is what it is. The acting is in the same place as it was with the first installment. There’s a lot of the usual: blank stares, lip biting, horrible line delivery, and weird noises. Most of the time I was so agitated that they had so much make-up on. It was like a sparkly drag parade that horribly misfired. As time goes on the story lacks any sort of believability, seriously, who would go through so much for this one girl? At first I thought that screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg was the problem, then I realized that she has to translate the dialogue from these sub-par books. If I were making the film, I would tell Stephenie Meyer that she needs to up her game then I’d proceed to lock her in a dungeon with a typewriter. “You aren’t allowed to come out until this stops sucking.” Does this seem harsh? Possibly, but I hate thinking that the quality of cinema and writing is being effected by material like this. There are so many people out there with real original ideas that actual provide some real content and GOOD dialogue.

The actors have to be into this for the paycheck (Bryce Dallas, I’m lookin at you). That’s the only answer I can come up with thus far. David Slade already knew it was for the paycheck. He also knew that the original source material was crap. What did he say before he was forced to apologize? Oh yeah…“Twilight drunk? No, not even drunk. Twilight on acid? No, not even on acid. Twilight at gun point? Just shoot me.” I’m sure that he secretly still believes that, even after directing this film. The guy did one of the most gruesome vampire flicks of late, 30 DAYS OF NIGHT.

Twilight: Eclipse

Well, why did I give this a four then if I seem to be complaining this entire interview? I am taking my main audience into account, along with the fact that I am a weak willed woman. Watching these movies for me is the equivalent of a cheesy soap opera or romance novel. I might as well just throw on my rabbit slippers and eat my Bon-Bons. If you aren’t a love torn girl between the ages of 12-15 or can still emote to the level of a 12-15 year-old, this is not for you. You will not enjoy it. Another reason it got a four is because it is such a refreshing change of pace from NEW MOON. That film was basically a mopefest. At least ECLIPSE tries. Oh and in case you were wondering, vampires do not have any sort of liquid carbonite powers.


Video (2.40:1 Widescreen): I’ve always really admired the coloring of the TWILIGHT films. I think that’s was why I was so entranced by the first one directed by Catherine Hardwicke. This offers the same sort of tones. The dark can sometimes be a tad too dark, but other than that I never saw any other flaws.

Audio (5.1 DTS-HD): Quite good especially with the actions scenes. At times the dialogue was a little low. One of the good things about the audio is that the score usually stands out.

Twilight: Eclipse

Commentary with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson: Twi-fans will love this commentary. Same goes for the one with Stephenie Meyer. Both Stewart and Pattinson really don’t seem like they would be so bad to be around. Although, Stewart never really sound enthused.

Commentary with Stephenie Meyer and Wyck Godfrey: I’ll be honest, I couldn’t get through this. Meyer was grating on my nerves like no other. I’ve sat through some dull commentary, but this is an entirely different story. Poor Godfrey. He tried to offer what he could. If you are a fan of Meyer and want to learn her process, you might enjoy this.

The Making of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse 6-part documentary (1:28:00): Everything you ever wanted to know about the behind the scenes of TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE. It literally goes through every part of shooting. Do you wanna see those Twilight girls in hot workout pants? This is the place. You can watch all of this on its own or you can get the picture in picture while watching the film.

Deleted and Extended Scenes (12:33): David Slate will introduce and explain these for you. There’s only two deleted scenes out of the bunch, but I ended up liking those more than some of the actual scenes in the movie.

Music Videos: “Neutron Star Collison” by Muse & “Eclipse (All Yours)” by Metric (8:39): Unless you are a die-hard Katy Perry lover, or enjoy the torturous sounds of today’s excuse for what passes as music then I’d suggest skipping this entirely.


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