Nurse 3D Blu-ray Review

“During the last 30 years, the F.B.I. has documented that more murders have occurred within the health care profession than any other profession. It has also produced the greatest number of known serial killers.”

So goes the prologue of NURSE (or, NURSE 3D), about a nurse who finds time to slay men when she’s not tending to patients at All Saints Memorial Hospital. Her prey: any married man who slips his ring off to spend the night out with cocktails and any woman who will sleep with him. She sees herself as the cure. Early on, she goes to a club, seduces a cheater and takes him to the roof. She teases him just enough to distract him before puncturing his femoral artery (a large artery in the thigh, for those who never went to medical school) and sending him off the roof to his death.

Nurse 3D

The nurse/killer is Abby Russell (Paz de la Huerta, who played Lucy Danzinger on seasons one and two of HBO’s BOARDWALK EMPIRE), who probably has a few regulars purposely burning their hands on the grill so they have an excuse to be a patient. Aside from unfaithful husbands, Abby also has her sights on Danni (Katrina Bowden, PIRANHA 3DD), a recent graduate who lands a job at All Saints. After a night of hard drinking (and drugging), things get a bit more dangerous. (Some key victims include the short-tempered and horny Dr. Morris, played by Judd Nelson, and Danni’s cheating stepfather, played by Martin Donovon.)

Nurse 3D

NURSE is likely to get the attention of many male viewers, who will find the idea of a sexy, professional serial killer who can’t seem to keep her bra on too much to resist. It wouldn’t even be that much of a surprise if the idea of cheating on the Mrs. just to meet Abby crosses their mind.

There might be a point in all of the carnage that Abby unleashes, but it’s hidden behind murder, sex and tacky one-liners (“I can lick this”; “My schedule’s been murder”) delivered in a tone that is meant to be seductive but comes off as wooden (Abby would surely have a solid pun for that one).

Nurse 3D

NURSE is directed by Doug Aarniokoski (2011’s THE DAY, 2000’s HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME) and written by David Loughery (who’s penned everything from STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER to OBSESSED). Together, they seem to have one goal in mind: be as perverted as the studio will let them. To be fair, they’re not the only ones playing the game: just take a look at the promotional posters—all legs and a strategically placed needle; and de la Huerta certainly knew which body parts were being thrust at the camera and that—whoops!—she wasn’t wearing underwear for that entire scene.

There is a collection of brutal kills (the opening one, complete with an impaling, stands out), but in the end, NURSE is like a pathetic attempt to mix DEXTER and whatever softcore porn Showtime feels like throwing on at three a.m. on Saturdays.

NURSE 3D BLU-RAY

Video: 2.41:1 in 1080p with MPEG-4 AVC codec. The 2D presentation is quite strong, offering a clean image that features fine details and contrast throughout.

Audio: Eglish 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio; Spanish 5.1 Dolby Digital. Subtitles in English and Spanish. The audio transfer sounds quite nice, boasting clear dialogue, a stable score and SFX that add to the effect of Abby’s kills.

Audio Commentary: Director Doug Aarniokoski gives a fairly entertaining commentary, dividing his time between laying out technical details of the shoot and recalling stories from the production.

Bad Medicine: The Making of NURSE (8:08): This promotional piece uses clips, on-set footage and interviews (with Aarniokowski, Paz de la Huerta, Katria Bowden, Judd Nelson and more) to give an overview of the plot, characters and production of NURSE.

Video Diaries (5:47): Footage shows Bowden in New York and Toronto, and Corbin Bleu being a public nuisance.

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