Remember when Charlie Sheen was a movie star?
Posted by: Nathan Swank
Trifecta #21: FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF + MAJOR LEAGUE + HOT SHOTS!
With all of Charlie Sheen’s recent explanations about his grandiose life, magic from his fingertips and WINNING Duh, I thought it might be a good idea to match some of his extremely outrageous quotes to some of his films. From quality (PLATOON, WALL STREET) to dreadful (TERMINAL VELOCITY, SCARY MOVIE 3) Sheen has a wide body of work. He hasn’t needed an accent (THE THREE MUSKETEERS) nor has he necessarily even needed to play a character (BEING JOHN MALKOVICH). In fact, he has been able to skip auditions and work with his brother Emilio (MEN AT WORK, YOUNG GUNS, RATED X). Maybe he’s earned this ego. However, I’m not sure he will ever play a role that isn’t him. So it’s amazing he thinks so highly of himself. But as he said, “My success rate is 100 percent. Do the Math.“
When going through his recent quotes I realized I probably could match all his films with an outlandish line but that seemed far too exhausting. So I took some of his more precious gems and represented them with his best comedies. You will be surprised at how much his films have been inspiration for his recent rants. If you are missing that void of crazy Charlie Sheen interviews and are finally tired of the incomprehensibly successful TWO AND HALF MEN episodes, kick your troll like feet up, pop these films in like a pill and take the Charlie Sheen Drug.
“I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”
FERRIS BULLER’S DAY OFF – Technically, this isn’t really Sheen’s movie. In fact, he is barely in it but his who cares what other’s think attitude is the motivation Jennifer Grey needs to finally support her brother. Sheen is the bad boy busted for drugs that makes out with the high school chick in the police waiting room while acting as her psychiatrist. You don’t get any badder than that. We see he had his “Tiger Blood” at an early age as well as picking difficult roles that do not represent him in the slightest.
“Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. WINNING. Buh bye.”
MAJOR LEAGUE- I love the fact that his glasses have a cross bone skulls in the middle. I think that might affect my line of sight while pitching but what do I know. Fresh out of the California Penal League, we see his first experience as a self-proclaimed winner by Bi-Winning (winning here and winning there), as the Cleveland Indians win the whole thing with a bunch of has-beens and never-will-bes. Sleeping around and not wearing caps and sleeves, Sheen stretches his acting chops once again and is undeniably the Wild Thing Ricky Vaughn. Sheen has been spouting on about making another but I’m wagering that film isn’t happening and if so, he’ll probably get fired from it but at least once he helped a team of losers become winners.
“I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets, and it’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee… they lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and “ I CAN’T PROCESS IT,” well, no, you never will, just stop trying. Sit back and enjoy the show.”
HOT SHOTS! – What better than a nonsensical parody film to round out Charlie Sheen’s random comments? What does this quote even mean? I don’t know but I love it about as much as I love HOT SHOTS! Personally, I’ve always thought of Sheen as a poor man’s Tom Cruise so it’s only fitting that he plays in a parody film of TOP GUN. The question is, is he in on the joke? I believe he is. He knows the media is trying to bait him and he’s beating them to the punch embracing the Rock Star lifestyle. Will people ever laugh with him rather than at him? I’m not sure but his films were representing his quotes well before he ever said them. And yet we mock him. But as he said, “The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger and Richards look like droopy-eyed armless children.” Wait, that’s not the line I wanted. He said, “I’m still alive and that’s pretty cool.”