The title, LOVE THE COOPERS, feels more like a dare than anything. After 100 minutes, there’s very little to find positive about the Coopers. The heads of the family, Charlotte (Diane Keaton) and Sam (John Goodman) have spent four decades married, but for some reason, they’re getting ready to throw in the towel. With Christmas around the corner, they figure they might as well have the family over for one final time before they split up. Enter the rest of the dysfunctional bunch.
There’s the unemployed son, Hank (Helms), who actually just went through his own divorce, but probably for the better considering his ex-wife is a sour beast. There’s Charlotte’s father, Bucky (Alan Arkin), who creepily haunts a diner where he enjoys talking and casually flirting with a young waitress named Ruby (Seyfried). Other eye candy in the movie is Olivia Wilde, who plays Eleanor, the daughter that no one wants to marry (really?). There’s also the Kleptomaniac daughter, Emma (Marisa Tomei). Then there’s all these other poor unfortunate souls that have the last name, Cooper, which I won’t dive into any detail over.
LOVE THE COOPERS makes an unimaginative flaw by breaking up the first two-thirds of the story into the different one-on-one conversations that the individual Coopers are having with other bystanders or people. It does this in the hopes of creatively flowing through the motions and introducing us to the unique quirks that the Coopers have. It also gives the movie time to attempt some annoying humor, such as a girl who utters a bad word.
With all the annoying characters bouncing around, I nearly forgot to mention there’s also a narrator, voiced by Steve Martin. He provides a smug bleakness to the Christmas holiday, framing the misery of the “most wonderful time of the year” with the predicament of each one of the Coopers. He pitches a few softball jokes, that I may or may not have had a guilty laugh at. I’m not sure if the joke was actually funny or if I just laughed because I like hearing Steve Martin tell a joke.
LOVE THE COOPERS feels like an attempt to become a holiday staple, like mistletoe, the Christmas tree, or much better movies. I’m pretty sure if LOVE THE COOPERS ever replaced A CHRISTMAS STORY for a 24-hour marathon, the number of reported suicides on Christmas Eve through day would see a significant jump. LOVE THE COOPERS simply doesn’t have the joy or message to become a Christmas tradition.
It’s because of that unshakeable notion that I can’t help but suspect that the creative team behind this movie thought they were making an updated story for cynical Millennials. I mean, I’d like to believe that theory because there’s no reason this many veteran actors, and up and coming stars, would attach themselves to such trash. I can’t imagine the paycheck was good enough to regurgitate some of the meager attempts at humor and holiday cheer there is in LOVE THE COOPERS. There is no fun to be had watching LOVE THE COOPERS, only sympathy for the Grinch.
BLU-RAY REVIEW
Video: (1080p Widescreen 2:39:1) With a constant light snowfall, multi-colored lights, and vibrant cheerful colors, everything comes through clearly on this blu-ray.
Audio: (English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1) The audio quality of this blu-ray is well balanced, with no noticeable problems.
Making the Coopers (12:12): A by-the-books behind the scenes look at the making of this movie. My empathy doesn’t believe the cheer and happiness everyone in this feature has discussing their optimism and joy when it came to working on this movie.
Rags the Dog (1:16): A brief feature about the Coopers dog, Rags. Adds nothing.
Fun on Set (0:54): Ever wondered what it’s like to work with kids? You’re not going to learn about it from this feature. It’s too short to tell you a factual thing.
Music Video by Alison Krauss and Robert Plant (3:21): This is the music video for “The Light of Christmas Day”, which I guess was in LOVE THE COOPERS? If it was, it was drowned out by the sorrow of the Coopers.